my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
