our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
