just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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