i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
