I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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