At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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