Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
