There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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