I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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