She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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