once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Panties = found
Randomize
