I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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