Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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