All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
