Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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