and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
