Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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