Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
