For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
