i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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