a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
