i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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