she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
