Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
