Your tits are I can't wait for
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
