Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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