I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
