The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
