walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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