Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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