Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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