he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think i got beer on your cat.
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