Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
