All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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