Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
