He kissed a someone with a penis
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
