So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Found the puke drawer
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
