So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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