Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
