somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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