And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
