am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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