Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
