There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
