he told me I talked like a deaf person
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
