God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
