I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
that may or may not have been my penis.
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