something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
