no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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