WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
